Today's business news & commentary: Susanna's Online Magazine: copywriting, Internet marketing, direct response.

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Monday, July 26th

"Shove it!" So Says Teresa.

Much ado is being made about Teresa Heinz Kerry telling a reporter to "shove it". Well, that's not much different than the vice president telling a senator to fuck off. So what's the big deal with all of this? Look, I come from a newspaper family. From a child I was in the company of governors and other politicians who came to our home and later to my home as an adult. Now if you want to know what colorful language is, get some politicians and newspaper people together!

Now to those who have virgin ears or who are so zealous in their religion as to be offended by this type of talk, you might as well find a cell somewhere and lock yourself in. Because in the real world, this is how people talk. And yes, we women talk that way too --- and guess what --- we always have. Dare I say it?

I've been told that Barbara Bush says the "F" word frequently. Yes, grandmotherly Mrs. Bush Senior.

People use bad language. People get mad. People are so damn imperfect and flawed that you are foolish to expect too much niceness. People are not all that nice. So if this type of talk offends you, I suggest you get over it.

Susanna on 07.26.04 @ 10:27 AM CDT [link]

Sunday, July 25th

Do you sell to their "real" motivations?

In 1986 I was sitting in the Beauty Salon awaiting my turn to be transformed into a raving beauty. The wait proved to be the most useful part of the visit as I was not thus transformed but indeed improved. At any rate, I flipped through the current issue of "Vogue" magazine as many women do while waiting. It is not a magazine to which I would ever subscribe but I will look at it when pressed for amusement.

There was, however, a very short item in the beauty tip section. This particular "tip" was to change my life --- if you'll allow me a bit of melodrama.

It said that smoking caused wrinkles and would cause you to age rapidly. Now I was at that time a smoker. All the stuff about causing your lungs to rot and your heart to stop failed to make me quit. But telling me that I would be a wrinkled old prune with ugly skin provided "instant motivation" for me to stop smoking.

I joined a program and in two months I had stopped and have not smoked since.

So what the hell does that have to do with you and your business? Simply this. You may very well not know what will cause your prospect to buy. Remember the very old, worn out cliche that people buy for their reasons, not yours? Well, it's true.

See, most folks would indeed stop smoking for their health. But a vain broad like me would only stop to stay looking young and having skin that was wrinkle-free. And you can believe that there are many vain people, men and women, who are motivated by that very thing.

So in selling your product or service, look for the "hidden" reasons people might buy from you. Don't just assume they'll buy for the obvious reasons or for the reasons you think they should buy.

If you do that, you'll sell a hell of a lot more stuff a lot more often.

Susanna on 07.25.04 @ 11:15 AM CDT [link]

Saturday, July 24th

Don't have a blond write your copy.

Before you hire a blond to write your copy, consider this. I saw a blond looking steadily at a carton of orange juice. After I watched her stare at it for five minutes, I asked her what she was looking at. She said that the carton said "concentrate" so that's what she was doing.

Duh!

Susanna on 07.24.04 @ 12:00 PM CDT [link]

Wednesday, July 21st

Slogans --- can people make you change them?

A slogan is an important part of the image of any business or concern. It is part of their branding and a business has a right --- or so I've always thought --- to use any type of slogan they want.

Fox News’ use of the slogan “Fair and Balanced” constitutes deceptive advertising, two political advocacy groups claimed Monday in a petition filed with the Federal Trade Commission.

Liberal MoveOn.org and historically nonpartisan Common Cause assert that Fox News’ reports are “deliberately and consistently distorted and twisted to promote the Republican Party of the U.S. and an extreme right-wing viewpoint.”

Alleging consumer fraud, the complaint calls for the FTC to order Fox News, consistently the highest-rated cable news network, to cease and desist from using the slogan.

Well, I agree that Fox News is not especially fair and balanced and that it does lean so heavily to the right that if it lets go it will crush the street below. But they have a right to use that slogan if they choose. Now to me, they are more fair and balanced than the mainstream media who usuallly don't air President Bush's speeches, for example. At least Fox spends more time airing Kerry events than even the liberal media.

It will be interesting to see what happens in this case. Can a group claim a business is using deceptive advertising and cause them to drop their slogan.

If I actually started my business, Powerwriting.com, in 1991 rather than 1993, and I say in my slogan that I've been serving the Internet since 1993, is that deceptive? Is it hurting anyone? The fact is, I've been working online since early 1992 or late 1991 but my slogan says 1993. Frankly, I don't think anyone gives a damn. They just like to know I've been around awhile and will probably be around awhile longer.

I often tell would-be clients I've been a copywriter and published writer over 30 years. Well, that's true. But if they knew how many years "over" they'd think I was bent over and chewing baby food for lack of teeth.

The fact is, if someone feels threatened by a business or an entity, it will use anything it can to knock that business or entity out of the ring. But let's get back to the slogan. The slogan that a business uses is important. It is critical. And I don't see how it can be challenged unless it can be proven to be a lie or indeed deceptive.

How can moveon.org and Common Cause prove that Fox News is not fair and balanced? I personally don't see how they can. I find Fox more fair and balanced than the mainstream media and, yes, Fox is radical right. But they more often than not give both sides of the story. And that's a hell of a lot more than NBC, CBS or ABC or the NY Times and most other media outlets will do.

So moveon.org and Common Cause gets our Duh of the Day.

Susanna on 07.21.04 @ 04:55 PM CDT [link]

Thursday, July 8th

Hillary and the Presidency --- Her Plan

I hear talk show hosts, most of whom know very little about what they talk about, say that Hillary Rodham Clinton is on "death watch" because she was not selected to be vice president on the Kerry ticket. Not so. Bill and Hillary have had a plan from the beginning of their partnership. First he becomes president and then she.

Now let's look at how she can best do that. Had she been selected VP by Kerry and they won, her chances of ever becoming president would have been slim. In addition, she doesn't want to be number two to anyone.

What she wants is for George Bush to win. Then she has a clear bid for the presidency in four years. She will have served her time in the senate as she said she would. Everything would be working in her favor.

So don't think Hillary is disappointed. Regardless of whether Kerry wins or not, Hillary will have her day. But it will happen sooner if GB wins and my guess is, she and Bill will do everything they can to make sure that happens.

Susanna on 07.08.04 @ 12:34 PM CDT [link]

Terriorist Attacks in the United States --- How Far Back do they Go, Really?

I think it was in or around 1990 and we were at war --- or some semblence of war --- with Iraq. One day in Summer (I think it was summer) out of nowhere, the lovely bay bridge that connects the east bay to San Francisco suddenly and without warning, collapsed.

Construction on the bridge began in July 1933 and was finished in the fall of 1936, six months ahead of schedule. While bulding the bridge, workers pulled up a large tooth of a prehistoric mammoth from the bottom of the bay!

Originally the bridge was divided into three lanes in each direction on the upper deck. The lower level was used by trucks, buses, and ten-car trains, which ran 63 seconds apart to handle the huge passenger load. The train tracks, however, were converted into a vehicle lane in 1958 when fewer and fewer people were using the trains and more and more vehicles were crossing.

Part of the bridge collapsed during the eathquake of October 1989, but it was repaired and reopened the following month. Today more than 275,000 vehicles per day cross the bridge's two levels.

Renowned UC Berkeley professor Abolhassan Astaneh continues to incite opposition with his claim that the Bay Bridge will not withstand a terrorist attack.

The environmental engineering professor says he is concerned Caltrans has not conducted essential tests to ensure the proposed bridge design is able to withstand explosions caused by a potential terrorist attack.

At the time of the collapse to which I refer, there was no evidence of an earthquake. But I think that the real cause of the collapse might have been covered up by saying it was an earthquake. This would, after all, make sense in the San Francisco bay area.

But a thinking person who remembers the day this happened, has to wonder, was this terriorism?

We will never know. But things of this nature just don't happen on their own as a general rule. And I do remember that the word "earthquake" was not mentioned by anyone including the media on the day this happened.

So one must wonder.

Susanna on 07.08.04 @ 11:23 AM CDT [link]

Tuesday, July 6th

Here Come the Christians --- Will You Buy . . .

Now let me say at the beginning of this rant that I do not have anything personal against any religion or creed. Frankly, I don't give a damn how a person worships nor do I care if they don't. It simply is not my concern. Hey, I have enough on my plate.

What I do very much dislike is people who use being a Christian to sell stuff or to get stuff free or cheap. Duh!

A woman just came to my door. I asked her what she wanted. She started out with a spiel about her granddaughter wanting to attend a Christian school and would I buy some magazines to help out the cause. Of course, that's about all she got out before I said, "No thanks" and shut the door.

To begin with, that was lousy salesmanship. Don't tell me what YOU want --- tell me what you have for me. Maybe, just maybe, if she would have said she was selling some magazines that she thought would be of interest to me, I might have listened because I'm a sucker for magazines, though I buy them from my own affiliate link online. So chances are she probably wouldn't have sold me anyway. But she would sell to more people.

No one gives a damn what you want. All in the world anyone cares about is what you can do for them. People are very selfish. People are self-centered. So when you sell --- and you are always selling --- you never say what YOU want. You only talk about what you can do for the other guy. It's a bitch ain't it?

But beyond that, please don't hide behind being a Christian. I don't give a damn if you are a Christian. If I want to buy something, I'll buy it from a Christian or Catholic or Jew or Athiest. I just don't give a damn.

To me, Christians are sinners who go to a Protestant church. I guess Catholics are Christian too. But whatever, they too are just sinners who go to church. We are all sinners I guess if you believe in sin. We all certainly screw up and hurt people and do bad things. You can call that sin if you want to.

The difference is, if you have enough money, you can buy an annulment from the Catholic church among other things as the Kennedy's do and you can buy the right to partake in the sacraments as John Kerry is said to have done. Divorce be damned if you have enough money.

I've had people call me on the phone and tell me, "I'm a Christian single mother. Can't you lower your fee just for me?" Not no, but hell no! That holds no sway with me I assure you.

We are in a god-awful mess in this world right now because of religion. So my advice is be what you want to be, believe what you want to believe, but don't use your belief to sell or buy or try to make other people believe like you.

Some businesses advertise "We are a Christian Business" to which I ask, "So what?" Am I supposed to be impressed? Am I supposed to trust you more than the guys who don't put that in their advertising? I don't think so.

Bill Clinton claims to be a Christian but I wouldn't want my daughter alone with him for half a second.

Thus ends my duh of the day

Susanna on 07.06.04 @ 06:12 PM CDT [link]

Branding --- the Forgotten Part of Marketing --- and Least Understood

I have clients come to me to help with their advertising and marketing who have no idea of what they're doing. For example, I have a client who is in a field with one major competitor. This competitor is large and has a powerful brand. My client is small, and pretty much unknown. Certainly to the extent of the number one.

Yet this client wants to copycat the large brand. Folks, if you are small and unknown, you can't brand to the number one spot. You have to brand to your own personal niche and capitalize on the fact that you are small. Take for example the position that Avis took when it proudly proclaims itself to try harder because it is number two.

The moral of the story --- be who you are. You may grow to be number one. Lots of companies do. Not every company stays number one. Not every company stays small. But brand from where you sit now, with an eye to where you want to go. That way you will be the first one people in your natural niche think of when they need what you have.

In addition, as you grow, your brand will grow with you. Your slogans and taglines and positioning should all work for you today and take you into tomorrow. But you may find that the time will come when you outgrow your current brand no matter what. If so, you should be prepared to re-brand.

And remember, when you plan your advertising and marketing, know your brand. Know who you are and how you stand in position to your competitors. Great copy won't sell if the copywriter can't place that copy within your position.

Susanna on 07.06.04 @ 07:14 AM CDT [link]

Sunday, July 4th

ClickBank and Customer Service --- Not --- Duh of the Day.

I sell lots of products online and most of them are sold through ClickBank. Well, today CB has been totally down (offline) for close to 10 hours as I write this. That means lost sales for thousands of us who do business online. And it means inconvenience for people who want to buy.

To make matters worse, CB has not bothered to notify anyone why they are down and when they might be back up. And this would be simple for them to do.

Customer service and how you treat people is key to success. I predict CB won't be around much longer unless they get off their high horse and realize where their income really comes from.

To ClickBank I hand my Duh of the Day.

Susanna on 07.04.04 @ 12:29 PM CDT [link]

Saturday, July 3rd

In Search of Coffee of the Gods

I admit to being a coffee snob. The worst slop in the world is a weak cup of restaurant coffee made from god only knows what, being served from the bottom of god only knows what. Fact is, I can hardly abide drinking any coffee other than that which I make. A bad cup of coffee is out of step with the good life.

Drinking a bad cup of coffee is like going to a ball and doing the square dance when the music is a tango. Or another analogy is that a bad cup of coffee is like dating a Kennedy man. Both may look good but both are the dregs --- one of humanity and the other of the pot. And in either case, you come out the loser. The main difference is, as bad as the coffee is, you won't end up dead like some people do who date the Kennedy men.

I have looked far and wide for the perfect makings of a cup of coffee. I love my coffee dark and rich and European. I have discovered that buying beans from Starbucks is the closest I can get to perfect and no, it is not perfect most of the time. Beans are not consistant. But I buy Expresso Roast and grind the beans fresh. I brew it in a special pot that keeps the coffee hot and fresh for several hours in a thermal pot.

I also often use a coffee press, which in my opinion makes the most perfect cup but it doesn't keep it hot long enough. Oh, I know there are electric models and I will invest in one someday.

I also use cold, filtered water to make my coffee. Funny thing is, no matter what I do, I never get a consistantly great cup of coffee.

If you have never had a really good, well-made cup of coffee, you will never know what you're missing. And perhaps that's a good thing. Because once you have had a great cup of coffee, you will never again settle for the brand that's "Good to the Last Drop" or any other kind.

The following was taken from Coffee Times owner, Les Drent.

"After roasting my coffee I store my beans in a well sealed bag in the freezer and grind them only to brew. While there are many excellent ways to make a great cup of coffee I still recommend using a French Press for making the best cup. (Remember to grind beans somewhat course which allows the screen plunger to work properly.) For any method you choose including the popular drip method I recommend using two heaping teaspoons of coffee per ten ounces of water (ten ounces is a standard coffee mug size, or 1 cup measured in your drip coffee maker carafe). After adding hot water I allow the coffee to steep for 3-5 minutes. Before I plunge I stir the coffee which allows the grinds to fully interact with the hot water. When using a drip coffee maker I recommend using a natural paper filter. Metal and cloth filters can also be used but I feel that natural paper is best. (As a test the water must reach at least 190-200 degrees Fahrenheit to properly make a cup of coffee.) If adding sugar or milk I recommend that you use a washed raw sugar from Hawaii and fresh cream only. When making espresso remember to grind espresso or dark roasted beans to fine or extra fine and do not overfill espresso maker."

This is by far the best way to make coffee. But we Americans don't seem to allow time for these finer points of life. And that's too bad. Because life is too short not to enjoy nice things.

I like to enjoy a Krispy Kreme filled with all sorts of fat and calories and several cups of Starbucks on Sunday morning. It's the only decadent thing I do and I only do it on Sundays. But that is the stuff of a life well lived.

It's good to exercise and diet and stay in shape. But sometimes we have to enjoy. Just enjoy. And for me, a great cup of coffee and a Krispy Kreme is a small slice of heaven --- if there were such a thing.

Susanna on 07.03.04 @ 07:22 PM CDT [link]

Clients Who Shoot Themselves in the Foot --- Duh of the Day.

We copywriters spends long years learning our craft. We don't get it out of a book or an article or a course we find on a matchbook cover. No, we learn it in school and on the job. We learn it by trial and error. And by the time we have 20 or 30 years under our belt, we damn well know what we're doing.

But every copywriter has many clients who don't value that experience and think they know what's best. So when the copywriter turns the copy over to the client, said client will change the copy. Oh, maybe only a word here and there or the offer or a headline. Seems like every cat needs to leave it's scent behind.

So what happens to the copy. Well, it's a piece of shit --- that's what happens to the copy. See, the thing is, when a copywriter writes copy for a radio spot, a sales letter or anything else, every word is put there for a reason. Everything is done for a reason. So when a client comes along and screws with the copy and fails, he deserves everything he doesn't get. Which is all the business he would have gotten if he would have used the copy that was carefully written for him.

Sometimes a clients doesn't like what a copywriter writes. But if the god damned thing sells, that's all that counts. So what the client likes matters less than what the client's prospects will respond to. That is unless a client just wants to waste their time and money and, as I said, shoot themselves in the foot. Hey, it's their foot.

Susanna on 07.03.04 @ 12:45 PM CDT [link]

Friday, July 2nd

Selecting the Right Market --- It's Not the Copywriter, Stupid. Duh of the Day.

I'm always amused at clients who seem to think they know what they should do to market their products or services. For example, I had a client recently who wanted some spots written for a Christian radio station. Now there's not a thing wrong with that. But to make that the main advertising method is sure death.

In this particular case, the backbone of their marketing should be direct mail. Then they should do print ads and then radio. Of course, it goes without saying they should do online as well.

Now for different businesses, the marketing needs will be different. In some cases, radio may be the backbone but in most cases, it is not. Radio is important. And I love to write and produce radio. But it should seldom be the main thrust of a marketing campaign and certainly a Christian radio station should not be the main hope of a main stream business.

So my point is, get a professional to to do a marketing strategy or at least to help you plan your marketing and advertising. We copywriters and marketing consultants don't like our clients to fail. For one thing, when they do, they blame us when the fact is, they put their money in the wrong marketing --- not the wrong writer.

But even as I say that, I know that people are lothe to blame themselves so they have to find someone to blame. It's the copywriter --- stupid. Duh of the Day.

Susanna on 07.02.04 @ 05:20 AM CDT [link]