It's a Funny Life . . . Jokes and Funny Things that Happen to Real People. Jokes of all sorts - updated frequently.
We enjoy jokes because they make us laugh. And laughing really is the best medicine. Nothing takes the blues away as quickly as a good belly laugh when someone tells us something funny or tells us an amusing joke. Perhaps they're senseless but they have a valuable purpose. Laughing simply is good for us. So let's laugh. Let's have fun. Let's hear or read something funny. Let's get the joke now.
By the way, the owner of this site does not necessarily condone any particular joke or thought on this page and we do not intentionally put up any jokes which may be offensive to anyone. We get a live feed and the jokes are updated daily in some cases. So return often.
The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and...
The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.brbrThe Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
What do you call a sheep with no legs?brbrA cloud.
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacin...
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve."brbrThree months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.brbrAbout half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.brbrThree months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".
4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde gi...
4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.brbrIt all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.brbrThe old lady thinks: "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him."brbrThe pretty young blonde thinks: "I bet the Frenchm...
Whats the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?
Whats the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?brbrThe used car salesman knows when he's lying.
Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade ...
Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.brbrLittle Sheila said, "When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!"brbrSister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barked, "What did you say?!"brbr"A prostitute!" Sheila exclaimed.brbrSister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and said "Whew! Thank God! I thought you said 'A Protestant'!"
Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women...
Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.brbrThis confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.brbrThis confirms too, that women are always confused and don't know what they want.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest...
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"brbrThe woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"brbrThe man says: "You go right up there and tell him off ? go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
What is the smallest part of a FIAT?
What is the smallest part of a FIAT?brbrThe owners brain.
I am on my sea food diet right now! ...
I am on my sea food diet right now!brbrHow does it work?brbrWhenever I see food I eat it!
Airport Mix-Up
During the 'rush hour' at Houston's Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem.
Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. The passengers...
A Cat's Dictionary
Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.
Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.
Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.
...
Broken tuba?
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Passwords
This consultant is working on a Web development project for a client, and he's also got a nontechnical intern to keep busy. Fortunately, that's a solution, not a problem.
"Part of the project included setting up about 150 user accounts for the ...
Answering Machine Message - Just Kidding
Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave a message at the beep or call me back later. BEEP. (Pause three seconds.) Just kidding, that wasn't really the beep. Are you ready ...
You can't take it with you
Trying to disprove the saying "You can't take it with you," a stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, finally figured out how to take at least some of his fortune with him when he died.
He instructed his wife to go to the bank and ...
Kidneys and Livers
Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, "I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment."
"So what makes you think your ...
Last will & testament of a farmer
I LEAVE:
To my wife: My overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.
To my son: Equity on my car. Now he will have to go to work to meet the payments.
To my banker: My soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.
To my neighbour: My clown suit....
The Happy Groom
"Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life."
"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," protested his nephew.
"I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly ...
Ice Cream Humor
Q. How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
A. In floats
Q: How do you make a dinosaur float?
A: Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer and add one dinosaur!
Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow ?
A: Ice Cream
Q: What do you get if ...
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